puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
