it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
