Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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