You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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