glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
