O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
