sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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