dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
