what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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