you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
