what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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