Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
