I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I could make wine with my vomit
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
