I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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