If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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