So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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