i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
