Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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