what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
