i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
