with your own penis?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I just put wine in my tea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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