I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
