She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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