We won't sleep together?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
