it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
