I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
