The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
