so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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