I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
