when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
