so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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