Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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