whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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