i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
