I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
