Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
