you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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