I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
