Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He passed out mid-signature
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
