god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
