If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
