did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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