all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
