Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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