I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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