At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
