i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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