i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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