Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
