Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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