god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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