the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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