The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
