a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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