I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
