If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
