i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
