I wish they made helmets for livers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
