i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
