ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
