your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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