When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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